Cinco de Mayo actually celebrates an unlikely victory by Mexican soldiers from the town of Puebla over a powerful French army...not Mexico's independence.
1. DO get yourself a bomb-ass margarita...or seven.
2. DON'T wear a sombrero at any point during the consumption of the margaritas.
3. DO take the opportunity to inhale a possibly unsafe amount of delicious Mexican food.
4. DON'T wear a serape.
5. No.
6. DO enjoy another culture's music while you're out.
7. DON'T Photoshop sombreros on yourself or call anything "El Bruncho."
8. While we're at it, DON'T bring/purchase/or shake maracas. Trust us on this one.
9. DO seriously feel free to push it and have a great time.
10. Damnit, DON'T push it to the point where a fake mustache anywhere near your face/body sounds like a good idea. Like Trey Songz here.
11. Absolutely not.
12. DO get a bucket of beers, with your bad self.
13. DON'T throw it back and call it "Cinco de Drinko":
14. DO partake in a Cinco de Mayo bar crawl, because obviously.
15. DON'T shop at Party City for any additional "accessories." You can totally dress like a normal person.
16. Whatever you do, DON'T scream "iArriba! iArriba!" or "iAYAYAYAYAY!" like Speedy Gonzales. JUST DON'T.
17. DO let tequila work its magic on you. Note: This special elixir affects different people in different ways.
18. But DON'T call us "sensitive" for calling you out on your racism.
19. So DO have a fun, nonracist time. Just remember what no one tells you about Cinco de Mayo:
20. ...OK fine, this is acceptable on any day of the year, not just Cinco de Mayo.
