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It’s Saturday afternoon and you’re getting ready for the fightcard…
relaxing, ordering pizza: the calm before the storm …
You’ve got your picks all lined up and you’re as confident as a Diaz brother...
Your snooty friend texts and asks what you’re doing tonight. You say watching UFC. They turn their nose up. You feel sorry for them. Their night looks like this:
While yours looks like this:
You’ve got everything set up but your cable suddenly goes out for a minute so you have a panic attack:
But it, thankfully, comes back on (phew!)...
You’re trying to live-Tweet the fight on Twitter, while someone is filling up your Mentions about something else and you’re all like:
Then there’s someone desperately Tweeting that he can’t figure out how to find Fox Sports 1 on his TV. Ugh.
... and you wonder how some people are that clueless (#headdesk)...
But you send him the “Channel Finder” link because MMA fans stick together and educate one another:
Prelims are over and it’s time for a little commentary on FOX before the main card, and you can’t help but laugh with Sonnen...
but also roll your eyes at some of the remarks:
Maincard begins. Time for the guy who talked a lot of trash leading up to the fight to walk into the Octagon…
and he gets knocked out in the first round - BOOM!
Then a fight goes to a decision. The judges totally get it wrong…
…so you go a little postal at the screen…
and start to have traumatic flashbacks about Anderson losing the belt to Weidman...
and you're rolling your eyes at your friend who's talking about how he, too, could've fought in the UFC...
Meanwhile, you’re still trying to figure out if that’s really a Johnny Cash tattoo on Belcher’s arm...
Your neighbors call to tell you to keep it down but you’re like:
The main event rolls around: submissions, knockouts, Mike Goldberg screaming “It’s all over!!!”, Joe Rogan’s voice echoing in your head… You’re totally stoked for 2 hours…
…but after a roller-coaster of emotions and jumping in and out of your seat 30 times, by the the end of it you feel like this:
On Sunday morning, it’s time for a little relaxation and rehydration...
Watching the video of the post-fight press conference, you’re totally concerned about the losing fighters’ emotional state, as if you know them personally:
Dana White reads off the night’s attendance numbers and, somewhere, the Culinary Union execs are bitching:
But you know he’s got it all under control:
On the Saturdays without any UFC cards, you feel lost and depressed:
Your friends try to console you by telling you there’s some soccer or tennis game on … but you’d rather watch paint dry:
And you think about giving it up altogether… but then you realize… you don't want to miss out:
So you're ready to do it all over again...
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