If you grew up in the '90s and currently have an appreciation for sad men with disheveled hair, chances are Edward Scissorhands is responsible for your sexual awakening.
Edward was created by a brilliant, but lonely, Inventor.
Who wouldn't want Vincent Price as a father-in-law?
You knew that The Inventor had instilled in Edward a love of poetry... and a sense of humor.
It's ok to laugh, Edward!
And when The Inventor died before completing Edward, your heart broke into a thousand pieces.
You identified with Edward. And when he said...
Edward was taken in by a well-meaning Avon lady.
And when the Avon lady tried to give Edward a makeover, you were like...
In fact, let's pause for just a moment to appreciate Edward's look.
Then we meet the Avon lady's daughter, Kim.
Kim was too basic, at first, to see Edward's charms.
Edward managed to look hot even as he struggled to adapt to life in the suburbs.
But then people discovered that he was good with his hands.
And then there was that one neighbor who wanted to jump Edward's blades.
She tried to take advantage of Edward.
I mean.
Edward didn't even really understand what was going on.
In any case, Edward only had eyes for Kim.
And you thought, he's so sensitive and sweet, he must be good with kids.
And animals.
And remember when Edward was carving ice sculptures in the yard...
But not everyone understood Edward the way you did.
Kim's awful boyfriend was especially cruel.
And when Edward and Kim had this moment, something inside you came undone.
He embraced her, very carefully, AND YOU FREAKED THE FUCK OUT.
The awful townspeople chased Edward away, back to the castle where he was made.
And then we got to the incredibly heart-wrenching good-bye kiss, and you exploded into a million tiny little pieces.
Because the kids at school townspeople would never understood, and they would never accept Edward.
YES, EDWARD AND KIM KISSED.
AND YOU DIED.
And then this happened...
And you were changed forever.
