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BuzzFeed Staff, UK

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誰のペニスが一番デカいか当ててみよう！

Can You Pick The Guy With The Biggest Dick?

Calvin's dick is definitely nothing to write home about in terms of size, but you've _never_ seen one so bendy in your whole damn life. If you threw Calvin's dick across a field, it would probably turn around and come back to you. Don't do that though – didn't your mum ever tell you it's mean to throw a man's penis?

The sixth biggest dick!

You got it! Hiding below that delicious, beige cable-knit sweater is one ginormous todger. For Jasper, his dick is so massive it's almost a curse. Whenever he sits down on the bus people can see the outline pressing against his mustard-yellow slacks, and at 13 inches long, he struggles to find a partner who can handle his stirring sea monster.

The biggest dick!

Sean thinks he has a really small dick, and he feels sad about it sometimes. This is because when he was at school, his friend Jake told him that the average size penis is 9.5 inches long, and Sean, gullible little lamb that he is, has believed it ever since. In reality, Sean's dick is just over average, so fuck you, Jake.

The fourth biggest dick!

Ted might look pretty proud of his boner there, and he is, but that's not because it's big – it's just because he loves his little guy, and he doesn't care what anyone else thinks. Ted's got one of the smallest weenies in this line-up, but when it comes to pride, he wins by a mile.

The seventh biggest dick!

Carson is the everyman. His school grades were always exactly average for his year. He graduated university middle of his class. He gets paid exactly the average for a man of his age in his field – and he has an exactly average-sized penis. All hail Carson, the man in the middle.

The fifth biggest dick!

You've picked a pretty massive dick, and in any ordinary line-up Gianluca's 11-inch monster would be a clear winner, but there's one guy standing here smugly who is keeping him out of first place. Gianluca is super proud of his massive dick, to the point that he loves to get it out at almost any occasion. Watching TV? BAM! Penis! Out for dinner? BAM! Penis! On the train! BAM! Arrested for indecent exposure. Oh, Gianluca...

The second biggest dick!

John has a fucking tiny dick. Like, really, really tiny. He is also, coincidentally, the CEO of a big business, and has a reputation for being a man who just _loves_ to fire people. He's not overcompensating for anything though. Nope. Not at all. Not even one _tiny_ bit.

The smallest dick!

Royston has a great dick. One of those dicks you just remember, you know? It's one of those dicks you'll look back on years and years down the line and think: "Mmmm, if only there were more dicks like Royston's." It might not be the biggest dick in this line-up, but it's definitely the best.

The third biggest dick!

Poor Mart has a pretty eenie weenie, but that's OK, because he had an eenie weenie before eenie weenies were cool. One day eenie weenies will be all the rage, and Mart will be vindicated, but then he'll have to go and pay for very expensive surgery to get it extended because there's nothing more embarrassing than having a mainstream penis.

The eighth biggest dick!

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【クイズ】誰のモノが一番デカいか当ててみよう！

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Can You Pick The Guy With The Biggest Dick?

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