Helpful hint: read all these fireworks' names in the style of that guy who does the voiceovers on The X Factor.
Because they all sound like bands Louis Walsh would champion at the judge's house stage of the competition.
1. THE PULVERIZER
"Red and green pearls to fanned red and green peonies, glittering comet tails to fanned red and silver whistling and crackling comet tails, blue and silver palms with time rain, fanned palms, multi-coloured peonies and a crackling, whistling multi shellburst finale."
2. THE JUDGE
3. MONKEY BUSINESS
Ok, not a particularly over-the-top name but the monkey here is on an unfortunate acid trip.
4. And in other drug-addled animals, here's PIRAHNA ATTACK
5. And MAD AS A BOX OF FROGS
If you need to ask "how mad is a box of frogs?" then you won't even be able to comprehend it.
6. For an angry take on the rainbow aesthetic, there's the ULTIMATE BATTLE OF COLOURS.
I think the Incredible Hulk (who is purple now, naturally) is in a fight with that guy made of bricks from the Fantastic Four.
7. SWORDS OF FIRE, which seem to resemble ornate camping forks.
8. PARADISE PALMS, which is undoubtedly also the name of a resort in Magaluf.
"Wave after wave of multi-coloured palms followed by peonies in silver, red, purple and orange and a superb multishot peony finale with crackle, glitter, loud reports [and a half-price round of mini golf if you order a full English breakfast at Admiral Jack's on the seafront]."
9. And MAGICAL PALMS, which is not.
10. THE WARLORD
In fact, variations on a warlord theme represent a popular fireworks trope.
11. DEADLY SCORPIONS
12. RAGING RAPTORS
13. And in yet more angry animals, ATTACK OF THE 60 FT OCTOPUS
14. ATTACK OF THE 80 FT SNAKE!
15. NUCLEAR DEMOLITION
Because that's just the sort of Bonfire Night firefight you want to set off, right?
16. Or in other signs of the apocalypse, a RADIATION OUTBREAK
Further doomsday fireworks include ALIEN INVASION, TOTAL TURMOIL and TERROR IN THE SKY.
17. And then there's one sparkly firework which doesn't exaggerate at all: it's just FINE & DANDY
p.s. This is the best campy firework option, however:
