1. When someone makes you angry, but she's not there to yell at:
2. When someone won't give you the names of the clones you're trying to murder:
3. When someone spanks a child you're fond of:
Because nothing gets your point across like a well chosen simile!
4. When someone rudely changes positions so they don't have to look at your face:
Sometimes it's best to let your ass do the talking.
5. When someone locks you in a cellar:
Run opposition with your opposable thumbs!
6. When someone handcuffs you but still has the audacity to ask you an important question:
FOOL.
7. When someone tells you to go to hell and then tries to smother you:
"Sleep now." Simple. To the point.
8. When you have a chance to talk to your would-be assassin about her incompetence:
No words, just chuckles.
9. When a guy can't take "you're a bad goat" for an answer:
Don't put up with his bullshit whining, either.
10. When someone totally annoying is trying to help you:
BESTIALITY BURN.
11. When someone implies your singing isn't good.
12. When someone stereotypes your culture:
CULTURE IS NOT A COSTUME
13. When you're trying to torture and kill the person who's implanting your fertilized eggs in other women without permission and he starts giving you lip:
"This is not a pipe I'm holding at a rakish angle between my teeth. It's a signifier of your doom."
And of course, follow it up with the best comeback of all.
