The True Anatomy Of Cute Baby Goats

Forget everything you learned in Goat Biology 101.

Tiny Peepers

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Tiny Peepers are the baby goat's primary sight organs, and help baby goats see their way to treats such as marshmallows and particularly tasty flower buds. You may have noticed that goats have rectangular pupils. Those pupils give baby goats a wider range of vision, making sneaking up on a baby goat for tickles much more difficult.

Wiggle Bits

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These appendages might not look like they serve a practical purpose, but the Wiggly Bits are actually what baby goats use to hear. The Wiggly Bits can also be manipulated by the baby goat to signal when they're ready to be pet.

Schnoodle

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The Schnoodle has two primary functions. It can be used to receive and process scents, but more importantly, the Schnoodle is used to boop other goats and humans, which – like the Wiggly Bits – signals that the goat is ready to be pet.

Bleaty Bla

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Activating the Bleaty Bla is as easy as giving the baby goat's tail a slight, playful tug while petting or bathing the goat. The Bleaty Bla is used by the goat for tasting food and for communication. (Goats primarily communicate in order to obtain pets or food to taste.)

Proddy Pokes

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Goats are very territorial animals, and rely on gentle head-butts to assert their dominance or signal their readiness for pets. Since they spend their days knocking their heads together, the Proddy Pokes provide some protection for the tender bits inside their adorable little heads.

Kissies

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Kissies do exactly what you think they would. Goats love to kiss and be kissed, and Kissies facilitate that behavior. (Also used to signal a desire to be pet.)

Loaf

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Taken as a whole, the baby goat's body is referred to as the Loaf, or sometimes the Goat Loaf. The Loaf contains all of a baby goat's organs, including its Foodler, its Fuzzy Guts, and its Rumbly Rump.

Knobby Blobs and Stick-Out Kickies

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Goats are known for their tiny leaps and teensy bounds. It's actually their primary means for locomotion. You've probably never seen a goat walking or running, but you've almost definitely seen a baby goat hopping around, and their Knobby Blobs and Stick-Out Kickies are what give them that ability.

Tum Tum

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The Tum Tum is what the baby goat uses to turn feed, grass, marshmallows, tin cans, and everything else in its diet into Cutey Poos. A baby goat's Tum Tum is one of it's softest and most precious parts. If you get a chance to pet a Tum Tum, do NOT turn it down.

Lil' Puff

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The Lil' Puff serves two functions. It's primary use is to provide balance during acrobatics, but it's also used to indicate when a goat is happy or looking to be pet.

Scruffy Puff

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Not to be confused with the Lil' Puff, the Scruffy Puff is important because it's the most pettable spot on the standard baby goat's tiny, fluffy body. No other area on the goat has more pet receptors than the Scruffy Puff, and no other area activates a goat's dopamine signals better than this area. Pet a baby goat's Scruffy Puff, and a goat will love you forever.

Tippy Tappies

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Tippy Tappies keep baby goats upright and mobile, and when used in conjunction with Knobby Blobs and Stick-Out Kickies, they allow the goat to seek out marshmallows and pets.

Fluff Tuft

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The rear end of the goat goes by many names, but biologists within the scientific community all generally agree on the term Fluff Tuft when discussing the area. On other animals, the Fluff Tuft's closest analog would probably be the butt.

Knick-Knack Knock Bonk Smishy Smashy Noodler

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The Knick-Knack Knock Bonk Smishy Smashy Noodler is the command center for the baby goat. Despite the fact that it contains the goat's Brainy Bits, goats use their Knick-Knack Knock Bonk Smishy Smashy Noodlers to bash into anything and everything.