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1. Don't make prank phone calls without reviewing local ironic phone ordinances.
2. Don't break promises to ghosts, unless you're after their apartment.
3. Never be creative, ever, or else your wildest dreams might come true.
4. Never play hockey in your apartment building, unless you want to be abducted by aliens.
5. Don't wear dead people's riding jackets, unless you have plenty of kibble handy.
6. Don't kill your neighborhood bullies, unless you get a new bike out of it.
7. Never screen pirated movies at your local movie theater, no matter how financially profitable.
8. Never judge a comic book by its cover, unless the person on said cover is trying to kill you.
9. Don't take parts in community theater productions if the script calls for you to turn into a frog.
10. Don't go to bed with Bobcat Goldthwait...
11. ...and never listen to radio stations hosted by Gilbert Gottfried.
12. If you smell cigar smoke, it's probably a vengeful funhouse clown coming to kill you.
13. Don't visit BitTorrent without making sure you download Norton's anti-demon patch.
14. If a monster has you cornered, just exploit their obvious weakness, which will have been made apparent to you earlier.
15. Don't investigate the origins of graffito-tagged rock formations.
16. If you keep seeing inter-dimensional ghosts when you wear x-ray specs, just stop wearing them.
17. Never keep a wish in your heart or a thought in your head.
18. Don't play the flute, unless you're prepared to summon hideous rat creatures.
19. Never buy magical curios from mincing shopkeepers...
20. ...and don't call Dr. Vink a "nut bag."
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