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True story: I love feeding ducks. I find them endearingly derpy.
Then the geese show up and all hell breaks loose.
This is the physical embodiment of evil.
They attack children and the elderly.
They think biking is for losers.
Don't even think about entering their domain.
They hate your red sweatsuit and high-tops.
They want to make you late for work.
They are extremely patient.
They will wait for you in the parking lot if they have to.
Don't offer your finger to the geese. All parts of the hand are tasty to them.
They are completely impervious to your efforts at frightening them.
They do not feel fear.
Have you ever been goosed by a goose?
Do not be fooled by their tiny, fluffy babies.
If you touch their babies, you will feel their full wrath.
This feels like a trap.
They aren't afraid to use you as a flotation device.
When you close your eyes at night these are the last faces you will see.
SO HIDE YOUR CHILDREN.
'Cause these training legions of tiny hell beasts are on the loose.
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