1.
Unless it's sex stories. Please share those.
2.
Wait, does he have a date with twins? HOTT.
3.
Well, yeah, don't caress his ear hairs.
4.
ONLY BORING WOMEN ARE EVER BORED.
5.
Hey pal, tell your drunk as a skunk date to stop scratching my head.
6.
Men don't have "tears," we call them eye sweat.
7.
Pro tip, ladies: talk about sports, guns, and blowjobs.
8.
Only carry gold monogrammed handkerchiefs — problem solved.
9.
"Be ready to go when your date arrives" — LOL, never, amirite, gents?