1.
It's really hard to explain that your eyes are really red from allergies and not weed when you're buying cupcakes and a pound of Doritos.
2.
me: what time is it? tour guide: 4:20 me: how can you tell? tour guide: See how high the sun is? [sun is eating spaghettiOs with a spatula]
3.
Marijuana is the gateway drug to taking 45 minutes to pick out which color Gatorade you want to buy.
4.
i only go on ebay after i smoke pot that way i'm always the highest bidder thank you check please
5.
This is chuck e. He smoked marijuana once. This is what weed does to you. Don't be like chuck e
6.
When you're high af and a song with police sirens come on:
7.
I saved money on car insurance by taking weed edibles and becoming too afraid of the ceramic dog on my front porch to leave the house.
8.
"This edible ain't shit." 30 minutes later:
9.
Once I got so high I turned off all the lights and played Thriller on my headphones and got so scared I put on my bike helmet just in case.
10.
Ever get so high you have to turn the volume down on the TV to taste your food?
11.
Maybe cats can smell weed just as well as dogs, they're just not FUCKING NARCS.
12.
Who is the idiot that called it "possession of marijuana" and not "joint custody"?
13.
Me: If male twins & female twins from separate families procreate will their kids look the same? Guy: I can't sell you anymore weed.
14.
Ever been so high you realize that you've been watching a movie on TV for 30 minutes, minimized, on the guide screen?
15.
*hits blunt* If we get out of the shower clean, how do our towels get dirty? #hitsblunt
16.
When you show up to work high AF
17.
Before I knew what weed was I thought all the cool kids were gesturing to each other about sucking tiny rat dicks behind the school.