29 Lies You Tell Yourself Every Day

    We're all just trying to get by, alright?

    6:00 a.m.

    "I'm just going to hit snooze one time."

    6:09 a.m.

    "I'm just going to hit snooze one more time."

    7:00 a.m.

    "Sleep is more important than breakfast."

    8:00 a.m.

    "Seriously, I'm getting up in five minutes. It's okay if I leave a little bit late, there won't be much traffic anyway."

    9:00 a.m.

    "I'm a creative, intelligent person and creative, intelligent people never arrive on time."

    10:00 a.m.

    "These fishnets are totally work-appropriate."

    11:00 a.m.

    "Ditching my packed lunch to join my coworkers for lunch is such a good idea. Team bonding and all that."

    12:00 p.m.

    "I'm only going to have four tortilla chips, and definitely no guacamole."

    1:00 p.m.

    "This afternoon is going to fly by."

    2:00 p.m.

    "Snickers are healthier than Hershey's Kisses because they have peanuts."

    2:40 p.m.

    "Snacking throughout the day is good for my metabolism."

    * grabs another Snickers *

    3:00 p.m.

    "I'm not going to look at the clock for an entire hour."

    3:13 p.m.

    "Crap. Okay, seriously not looking at the clock again today."

    3:21 p.m.

    "That clock is broken."

    4:00 p.m.

    "I didn't make it to the gym this morning, so I'm definitely going after work."

    4:52 p.m.

    "There's really no difference between me leaving at 4:52 and me leaving at 5 on the dot, so, I'm outtie."

    5:05 p.m.

    "Traffic was really harsh, I wouldn't have made it to the gym anyway."

    6:00

    "It's so great that I chose a healthy dinner since I've had zero time to work out today."

    * drizzles avocado lime ranch dressing on Chick-Fil-A salad *

    7:00 p.m.

    * A group text about going out tonight comes through *

    "I'll just meet them for two drinks and call it a night."

    8:00 p.m.

    "Ugh, forgot to get gas. Well, the indicator just hit 'E' so I can make it at least another day without filling up."

    9:00 p.m.

    "There's no way I'll get a parking ticket in this neighborhood."

    10:00 p.m.

    "I'd be stupid not to take advantage of late night happy hour. Two margaritas for me!"

    10:59 p.m.

    "Man, I'm saving so much money by taking advantage of this deal. Two more, please!"

    12:00 a.m.

    "One more drink, then I'm out of here. None of these people are attractive anyway."

    1:00 a.m.

    "Okay that bartender is kiiiinda cute now that I've had more time to think about it."

    2:00 a.m.

    "The bartender is into me. Most definitely."

    3:00 a.m.

    "I'll make time to fill up my gas tank before work tomorrow."

    4:00 a.m.

    "I'm just going to spend two minutes on Reddit."

    5:00 a.m.

    "I'm so going to the gym when I wake up."