Sometimes we're all in need of a little cheering up and a break from the more serious things in life...
So, when u/_fiddle-sticks_ asked people to share their best jokes, I knew I had to round up some of the ones that *really* made me laugh. Enjoy!
1. "My four year old son has been learning Spanish for a few months now, but all he can say is the word 'Please'."
"That's poor for four isn't it?"
2. "A father is washing the car with his son."
"His son says, 'Dad, why can’t you use a sponge?'"
3. "Just got a pirate copy of that Bohemian Rhapsody film."
"Must have been recorded in a cinema, every few minutes I see a little silhouette of a man."
4. "What's the difference between a kangaroo and a kangaroot?"
"One's a large Australian animal the other's a Geordie stuck in a lift."
11. "Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat?"
"Because if they fell forwards they’d land in the boat."
14. "I was born in 1992 and this year I'm only going to celebrate my birthday for half a minute."
"It's my thirty second birthday."
15. "So, my mum had a pet bird and one day she found it wasn’t moving. She took it to a vet, who said, 'I’m sorry, but your bird is dead.'"
"'How can you say that?! You haven’t even tested anything!' My mother cried.
The vet sighed and brought out a cat. He placed it near the bird and it started yowling loudly.
He says again, 'I’m sorry, but your bird is dead.'
My mother, outraged and in tears says, 'what was that?! A cat can’t tell if it’s dead or not, do a proper test!'
The vet took the cat away, went into a back room and brought out a black Labrador. As soon as it saw the bird, it sniffed at it, then lay down and started whimpering. At this point, the vet says once more, 'I’m really sorry, but your bird is definitely dead.'
My mother is done at this point, she says, 'fine', takes the bird and puts it in a box, and heads back to reception.
The receptionist says, 'I’m sorry for your loss, but today’s bill will be £1,500.'
My mum isn’t even crying at this point, just absolutely livid and shouts at the receptionist, 'you what?! What on earth for?!'
The receptionist calmly responds, 'Well, it’s £500 for the emergency appointment, £500 for the cat scan, and £500 for the lab test.'"
I have to add my own one too...
16. "What's the difference between a joiner and a carpenter?"
"One works with wood, the other paints cars."
H/T to u/_fiddle-sticks_ and r/AskUK for giving us a chuckle!
Note: All submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.
Do you have any good jokes to add? Let us know in the comments below.
Additional thumbnail credits: NBC / Fox / Nickelodeon / ITV / MGM Entertainment Co. / Sony Pictures Releasing / DreamWorks Pictures