1. First and foremost, we have all prepared or are currently preparing to meet our "soulmate."
2. We know that somewhere in the cracks and crevices of this planet lies a person who's only slightly less funny than us and makes excellent guacamole.
We will wait for you.
3. And if we don't find that person soonish, at least 15 years, it's fine. We can take care of ourselves while we keep waiting.
I would be a killer dude
4. Not to get nit-picky but kissing is actually a hobby. It should be in a separate category like cat fishing* or collecting thimbles.
The real or virtual kind.
5. No, seriously. Who do we call to make this a thing?
6. Everyone here agrees that making new friends actually involves witchery or a payment plan of some sort.
The central unresolved question of my adult life is: how on earth does everyone become friends with everyone else so quickly?
7. And a BFF is just that dog who can't stop staring at your Lean Cuisine.
8. While out, we all want to order another alcoholic beverage on top of the other alcoholic beverages we've just finished. So, we do.
You can't drink eleven drinks. You can drink two drinks & sneak from your friends drinks when they're not looking. These are good rules of
9. No one can judge us but ourselves, the next day, when we remember we ate cheese off the floor.
10. Hey, we'll reflect on our lives and continue doing what we've been doing. We're older now, that behavior is here to stay.
Ultimately, I drank too much
11. Oversharing is caring and we care a lot.
12. We treat our personal issues, whether large or nonexistent, with the utmost importance.
my head is too heavy it flattens even the firmest of pillows
13. Nothing is worth not discussing in considerable detail.
14. We can also spend equal amounts of time mulling over situations that probably won't happen.
If I asked my son to help me with groceries, and he replied "I don't know, can you?" he wouldn't get Doritos he would get his ass kicked
15. Or probably will happen, someday. Far, far away. When we're financially ready and emotionally prepared.
16. Even faulty internet streaming can ruin our week or year, depending on the quality of TV entertainment.
why does the ad before the thing I want to watch play with ease but the thing I want to watch is like OH NO I'M FREAKING OUT BUFFER! BUFFER!
17. But more about Netflix: It's important to buy clothing that can withstand a 72-hour binge and an excess of unidentifiable food crumbs.
I'm not well dressed but my sweatpants were expensive
18. Or the fact that working out requires measures we'd rather not discuss or discuss in length, depending on our mood.
19. As long as we tell people about our plans to be active, that's all that matters.
20. We can all acknowledge that whoever invented winter leisure activities involving water should rot in the armpits of Hell.
21. Sometimes we realize our daily goals should be dealt with tomorrow and that's OK with us.
22. As long as we dance to the beat of our own hungry drums, that's all that matters.
