8 Hilarious Reasons Why "Amish Mafia" Is Fake

Here's the thing about reality TV: It's all completely and totally real. Obviously.

Did you know that aside from buggies and churning butter, Amish people also have to deal with the mafia?! Or, at least that seems to be the case on Discovery Channel's reality show, Amish Mafia.

Poor Amish Mafioso. So brave. Such wide hat-brims. So many mechanical bulls and guns and...Hold on, this show might actually be super fake. Let's take a look!

Exhibit A: The Opening Credits

dsc.discovery.com

dsc.discovery.com

OK, so, just to clarify: Amish people say this isn't a thing and the scenes you're about to show us are actually re-enactments...OK.

Exhibit B: Amish Capoeira

yorkblog.com

In episode three of Amish Mafia, Jolin competes in a Mixed Martial Arts fight…in a barn…surrounded by hay...Cool!

Except that when York Blog asked Discovery Channel if the scene was choreographed, a spokeswoman replied with, “The fight is a recreate since the actual barn fights are sporting events that would need to be sanctioned.”

So...

Bringing into evidence...The Breaking Amish connection

If Amish Mafia feels terribly similar to Breaking Amish, you may be on to something.

Because both shows shared a producer named Shannon Evangelista and a talent manager named Alan Bieler.

Exhibit Trashy: Baby's First Tramp Stamp

dsc.discovery.com

Here's the deal: Whether you're Amish or a Mennonite, like Jolin here, tats aren't something that should be done. Ever. You're a chosen member of God's tribe and shouldn't defile His perfection with some nasty old ink lest you face the wrath of the community.

In other words, Jolin would face severe punishment for his actions...were this show actually real.

Sidenote*: Studies have shown that Mennonites with more than one tattoo are prone to hoe tendencies. (*Not actually true.)

The prosecution calls the Lancaster PD to the stand

whptv.com

Most of the gangsters we know are pretty familiar with their local law enforcement. Not the folks of Amish Mafia, though! In fact, they kinda forgot what their police department is called. Whoops!

In response, the Lancaster City Police Department posted the following to their Facebook: "NAME CLARIFICATION. We are the Lancaster City Police Department. We have been serving Lancaster City for well over 200 years. If you are looking for the Lancaster County Police Department, as depicted on a fictional cable TV show, you may want to look elsewhere."

Exhibit F: "The idea of an Amish Mafia is simply fictional."

whptv.com

That's a direct quote from Brad Igou, the President of the Amish Experience in Lancaster County. He also revealed that before the show aired, the producers asked him for help to enhance the Amish culture and make it more interesting. “We just didn’t have a good feeling," he continued, "so we just said we don’t want to be involved in the show.”

False Accusations

lancasteronline.com

Apparently indulging is kind of Lebanon Levi's "thing." Because even though the mafia ringleader claims that local businesses pay him for their protection, including the Art & Glassworks store, that doesn't seem to be the case.

"I went, 'Oh my gosh, that is the funniest thing I've ever seen. Our store protected by Amish?'" said the store owner, Karin Meacham.

Closing Arguments

lancasteronline.com

Let's just cut to the chase: Turns out that the main cast members of the show aren't actually Amish. They are non-Amish church members. Meaning they are Mennonites, at best. So that whole "Amish" part of the "Mafia" thing...yeah, no.