Whiskey, Will You Be My Valentine?

I have a crush on you. Now please, get in my mouth.

You’re all I can think about, Whiskey.

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When I close my eyes it’s you, and when I open them, I wish it was you.

I’m sure you get this a lot, but you’re the most beautiful fucking thing I’ve ever seen.

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Like, there are seriously no words for how you make my heart pew-pew-pew.

Like, your amber waves of alcohol are more majestic than mountains covered in snow.

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FUCKING. MOUNTAINS. You make them look like doody in comparison.

Even when you're feeling drained, I think you're still just as gorgeous.

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The way you just POUR so smoothly out of the bottle... I mean... LOOK. AT. THAT. FUCKING. POUR.

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FUCK. LOOK AT THAT POUR. LOOK AT YOU GO.

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UMPH.

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ALL OF THE UMPHS.

Oh god, I'm so sorry. I just got a little carried away. Let me try this again... You're incredible, whiskey.

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I bow at your altar, though I know I'm not worthy of it.

When I've had a rough day at work, I come home and you're just THERE, ya know? You just really fucking get me.

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When I fly, seeing you is the only thing that keeps me from ripping off all my clothes and running down the aisles in a panic.

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It's true.

You're there when I need to talk.

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And sometimes, when I take a sip, it's like that fire that flows through you has leapt into my heart and filled me with a kind of passion I've only ever felt BECAUSE of you.

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Every good time was because of you, whiskey.

Oh my stars, whiskey, sometimes it feels like my love for you runs so deep that I can't tell another living soul.

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If they know how awesome you are, then what's to stop them from trying to take you from me?

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Don't even think about it, whiskey home wreckers.

If given the chance, I'd have you all to myself each and every day. Just you and me, whiskey.

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Don't be afraid, our love will be enough.

We could make a beautiful life together.

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Fucking beautiful.

I'd treat you so good, Whiskey, you'd want to be my forever Valentine.

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So, what do you say, Whiskey? Will you be my Valentine?

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