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1. Queen Beyoncé's Lemonade, but only the former part of the album because anger fuels you; fuck forgiveness.
2. A crying Drake keychain and iPhone case so you can run out the pages in your passport and hang out with girls they've never seen before.
3. A subscription to all things single. Apparently that's what you are now. Go and say it in the mirror a couple of times to remind yourself.
4. A cool tote assuring you that this too, shall pass.
5. An illuminated phone case to take some bomb-ass selfies to post to all your social media accounts, letting your ex know you're doing JUST FINE without them.
6. Babydoll lingerie because you look amazing and you want to treat your damn self! Plus, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. Or so they say.
7. A pair of sunnies so you won't have to see the haters (or your ex).
8. A handy sheet mask to get rid of all the stress you have from the arguing and passive aggressive texts you got before the big split.
9. A box of tissues that'll literally help you dry your tears.
10. An amazing plaque to remind you that Beyoncé herself wouldn't give in and text someone who really doesn't give a shit about her.
11. A reliable companion pillow.
12. An amazingly pretty eyeshadow palette you can use on your downtime since it's never too late to pick up a new hobby.
13. A coloring book for when you want to be artistic but mentally say "fuck off I deserve better."
14. An oversized robe, because you really can't focus on coordinating outfits at the moment so why even try?
15. A piece of wall art ready to tell you how great you can be everyday.
16. A pair of fluffy slippers that will keep you nice and comfy while you tear up on the couch, reminiscing on all the good times you had with your (former) significant other.
17. A boozy pin to let everyone know what fragile state you're in.
18. An array of chocolates. Forrest Gump was right — you never know what you're gonna get in life, so why not indulge?
19. An inspirational movie for teaching you how to actually deal with being all by yourself, again.
20. An oversized sweater that will tell every fuckboy in existence they have no chance in hell and back.
21. A set of self-affirmation cards to remind yourself that you are definitely as fly as you say you are, with or without a partner.
22. A bluetooth speaker for singing your favorite song aloud to keep from crying.
23. A no drama flask to pull out when things just become way too much.
24. A rose choker necklace because you can buy your own damn flowers! It's called SELF love.
25. And an One Direction album. If five hot guys that can sing can't heal your heartache, what can?
You to your ex.
Reviews here have been edited for length and/or clarity.