Buzz·Posted on 18 July 201729 Tweets That Are Freaking Hilarious For No Good ReasonYou need this today.by Jenna GuillaumeEditor-at-Large, BuzzFeed AustraliaLinkFacebookPinterestTwitterMail 1. miller high lives @squierzz when I was 16 my parents commissioned my grandad to paint a portrait of me to raise my self esteem. It did not. 09:42 PM - 12 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 2. Jake Weisman @weismanjake "This isn't my first rodeo" -Guy at his second rodeo 03:20 AM - 17 Jan 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 3. Lone Wulf @14thSquadLt Cow: is this bus going downtown?? Driver: depends on whether or not you have moola lolol Cow: I'm fucking late… https://t.co/Dd2JX6U2Rz 05:54 PM - 07 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 4. B @Bentono10 So today I was lookin at a girl bcuz she had a piece of lettuce in her hair & she looks at me and said "I have a boyfriend" ok lettuce head 11:41 PM - 14 Sep 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 5. donnie @donniemnemonic "HHhuELLo my name ius Babadook Canterbury, please cast me in-" [LOOKING AT GIANT HAND] ""Human Movies"" 03:10 AM - 07 Nov 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 6. mark @TheCatWhisprer It's okay password, I'm insecure too. 05:46 PM - 20 Nov 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 7. pascalle @frenchielaboozi i can't believe i have to keep washing this stupid body until i die 04:00 AM - 27 Feb 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 8. Danielle Betsy @sistersome Yea 04:30 PM - 19 Apr 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 9. demi adejuyigbe @electrolemon 4 months ago i quietly left 57 dvds of 'click' at my parents' house and they've still never noticed or mentioned it 09:30 PM - 28 Nov 2013 Reply Retweet Favorite 10. David Hughes @david8hughes [sees girl reading The Catcher in the Rye] "Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye." 03:41 PM - 01 Jun 2014 Reply Retweet Favorite 11. Richard Kadrey @Richard_Kadrey "Go back to bed. This doesn't concern you." 05:56 PM - 13 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 12. Troy 🏳️🌈 @TroyBoyMartin Barbie does what now? 05:01 AM - 13 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 13. Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan I didn't even have to photoshop this 09:04 AM - 03 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 14. Hippo @InternetHippo Politics is so confrontational now. I miss the old days, when we settled our differences with *raises glasses to look at history book* war 06:16 PM - 15 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 15. Brendan O'Hare @brendohare A simple way to help you remember how to spell "honey" 07:55 PM - 17 Jul 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 16. Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams [blind date] HER: I'm a big country fan ME {trying to impress her}: China is very large 01:04 AM - 04 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 17. rachelle mandik @rachelle_mandik finish your salad. a thousand islands died to make that dressing. 02:14 PM - 21 Jan 2016 Reply Retweet Favorite 18. Posts Malone @boissongazeuse if you ever meet someone who calls Gatorade flavors the actual name of the flavor instead of just the color they are 100% a cop 01:42 AM - 15 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 19. Ash @adult_mom I always keep my cool when using self-checkout machines because I want them to vouch for me as an ally during the robot uprising 06:21 PM - 20 Jun 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 20. lauren//got spoilers @sansastcrk me creating new accounts to get one month free trials 02:39 PM - 11 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 21. local crop top cat @niceesque It is with a heavy heart that I must announce I am finally getting rid of my confusing and racist microwave 04:33 PM - 14 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 22. Cadaea @sophiekeen The tenth Fast and Furious movie should be called Fast 10: Your Seatbelts 06:45 PM - 11 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 23. Ben Hall @MrBenLHall I'm not appreciated enough. Saw this bread and not one person laughed when I said "dat ass dough". 10:58 PM - 10 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 24. Heather Muirhead @PeckerLicker @JoelMadden YOUR MUSIC IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU!!!! IGNORE THE USER NAME...THERE WAS NOTHING ELSE LEFT.. 01:19 AM - 11 Mar 2011 Reply Retweet Favorite 25. Andrew Dennison @CharlieBeatnik Presumably good at helping people stay alive. 09:06 AM - 14 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 26. 🗡 @KillJerry_ Measuring my weiner 02:25 AM - 13 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 27. NK™ @VanGobot when the music suddenly gets quiet and everyone hears you talking 12:09 PM - 07 Apr 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 28. Tracy Clayton @brokeymcpoverty the face i make after i tell a bad joke and im waiting for everyone to laugh even tho i know they wont which makes… https://t.co/Xjqp9mMS1v 08:01 PM - 12 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite 29. goth turtle @dubstep4dads my mom asked me for a pic of ed sheeran and i tried to be funny and i edited it i didnt know she was gonna frame it… https://t.co/hjxeapKCI0 11:23 PM - 13 Jul 2017 Reply Retweet Favorite