Yo, it's me. A duck.
Don't think that just because I'm a duck I haven't seen what you've been doing on Instagram.
Oh, I've seen it.
How long did you think you could go on making your little "duck faces" all over the internet before DUCKS found out about it?
You're associating THIS with ducks? What the hell, you guys?
Is this really what you think we look like???
At first it was confusing. We were like, what the eff are these people doing with their faces? Trying to kiss a ghost?
Ohhhhh, they're trying to look like us! That's cute. But this...
Will never be as cute as this. So why bother, people?
And now "duck face" is some kind of insult?
Oh helllllllllllll nah.
Ducks are PERFECTLY RESPECTABLE birds. And you've gone and made them a laughingstock.
Dude, what maniac says this even looks like a duck?
Who's to say you don't look like a spoonbill?
Or a boat-billed heron?
Or a dumb old dolphin.
And another thing, why are you spending so much time taking selfies and so little time tossing us stale pieces of bread? What the HELL is up with that?
But more importantly, You can't tarnish the good name of ducks and get away with it.
Ducks can be your worst nightmare.
The next time you're taking a selfie, better check the background in your phone screen.
There could be a duck there.
Watching.
Waiting.
