1.
First of all, if turkey was actually good, we'd make it all year round
2.
Seriously, the food is basically the same as from the 1800s, why would you think it would be good?
3.
Pumpkin pie isn't even really a dessert, it's like a vegetable masquerading as a pie
4.
Guess what? Stuffing is just gross meatbread.
5.
There's no good Thanksgiving Day movies
6.
THIS is what we have to work with for Thanksgiving songs:
7.
Yeah, I know, but don't encourage him.
8.
Candied yams? What the fuck even IS this?
10.
French's monopolistic stranglehold on the fried onion market
11.
Your fridge looks like this:
12.
Oh yeah, it's not like that gross food isn't binding or anything either
13.
Football. So. Much. Football.
14.
Also, is this all about a sort of sad chapter in our nation's history?
15.
No one gets laid on Thanksgiving.
16.
Having to bring your suitcase on the subway so you can leave straight from work
17.
You end up watching the WORST performers in the Macy's Day Parade
18.
Seeing all your friends from high school awkwardly
19.
Meeting your high school buddies at a bar and your mom has to drop you off:
20.
Need to grab that thing you forgot grocery store? Have fun on Thursday morning.
21.
Tossing the football with your little cousin who is suddenly really good and throws hard
22.
When your family has to pass around the phone to talk to the relative who couldn't make it
23.
Dad interrogating you on your "plans for the future"
24.
Meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend's parents for the first time
25.
Next year, when they ask you all about why you two kids broke up
27.
Crowded train stations
29.
Getting stuck at the kids table even though you graduated college
30.
Your mom yelling at you for not using a coaster
31.
Your aunt's cat giving you allergies
32.
Everyone in your family needs tech support
33.
Having to explain AGAIN to your family that you're a vegetarian
34.
Discovering your parents have turned on you:
35.
Having to blow your nose with the fancy cloth napkins
36.
Having to do the dishes afterwards
37.
Jello. Salad. What sick sick person invented this?
Well, at least there's plenty of this
