How To Blatantly Cheat In The NBA

Amir Johnson got away with something that junior high refs would catch.

Step 1: Be an NBA player. In this case, be power forward Amir Johnson, whose Toronto Raptors hosted the Portland Trail Blazers Wednesday night.

He's smiling because... well, you'll see.

Step 2: Get the ball. Dribble. Stop dribbling.

Step 3: Stand there for a bit. PIVOT. (Good pivot.) PUMP-FAKE. (Good pump-fake.)

Step 4: Start dribbling again, in what is commonly known as a double-dribble and is the kind of thing basketball players stop doing sometime around 5th grade.

Step 5: Make sure that the two refs, circled in red, who are both staring *right* at you, somehow go blind for 10 seconds and miss your indiscretion.

Step 6: Celebrate.

Seriously, be happy: you just got away with something that's egregious even if you were playing for St. Mary Catherine's Junior High JV team.

Step 7: Well, this isn't really a step, but — HI HATERS. (That's Portland coach Terry Stotts looking aggrieved and aghast, by the way. As he should.)

For a little added fun, let's compare the way the hometown and Portland commentators reacted. Portland's crew immediately realizes they just saw a miscarriage of justice.

youtube.com

"That's a double-dribble!"

"Terry Stotts is saying, 'What in the heck.'"

"Yeah, they missed it completely — three refs out there, it's a double-dribble! ... How do you miss that? I mean, he double-dribbled!"

The Toronto commentators, meanwhile, not only waited a few beats before even mentioning the possibility — they had to see it again.

"Amir Johnson with a smile and a new look, by the way."

"I tell you what, Matt — I'd like to see that again. I think Amir got away with a little double-dribble right there!"

"And that's maybe why he was smiling back at the bench."

"If I'm not mistaken, he already used his dribble."