20 Things You Should Probably Have Stopped Doing By Now

Experience doesn't teach you, it just makes your errors feel familiar.

1. Singing the 'ABC' song whenever you need to alphabetise something

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I guess it's good to use something I learned when I was 3, but I'm pretty sure I shouldn't be

2. Fixing things just enough to stop them breaking right this second

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If there's no water coming out, it's fixed. Pouring water, that is. Dripping is fine.

3. Cracking up as soon as you're not allowed to laugh

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Big meeting? Solemn remembrance? Friend having life-changing epiphany and re-assessing every action they've ever taken? CLASSIC COMEDY.

4. Hitting 'Reply All' on an email accidentally

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Somehow, it only happens when you've gone really snarky with a response

5. Ordering in take-out, despite having time and food to cook with

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BRB, getting Pizza

6. Zoning out without realising you're actually staring at someone

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They're either uncomfortable that you're trying to flirt, or uncomfortable that you don't function in human society.

It's the second one.

7. Having 'just one more drink'

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One ≠ one

8. Using any sort of internet slang IRL

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Oops

9. Screwing up a handshake/high five/fist bump/any sort of greeting

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We should have talked about it first. That would have been less awkward.

10. Using a North West South East mnemonic to figure out which subway train you should be getting

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If they'd start putting more useful destinations on the signs it might help. Who knows where a train ends up?

11. Not being able to at least fake the ability to play sports

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The key is always being far away from the ball, but very vocal about your desire to be near to the ball

12. Using a terrible comeback

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And using it late. Very late.

13. Wearing incredibly impractical clothes for the purposes of fashion

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It's possible they don't actually look that good anyway

14. Spending too much time on the internet

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3AM at a keyboard is the new 11PM at a party

15. Bad flirting

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Talking is hard

16. Forgetting other peoples names

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Or at least, not being able to bluff until someone else says it

17. Forgetting how to spell basic words

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Actually, pretty much any words. There's nothing worse than when spellcheck can't even work out what you're trying to say.

18. Being distracted by your phone while out in the world

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Trees aside, you should probably just talk to people

19. Insisting on your own awesomeness in the face of all evidence

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Keep quiet about how awesome you are instead, and let other people tell you so you can fake being humble

20. Giving up easily

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When you start something new, the easiest option is to quit, but first you should try really, really hard to hit your goals. Then bail if it still doesn't work. No point in wasting time.