22 Signs You Were Raised By Stephen Sondheim

I am nothing — you are wind and water and sky, Sondheim.

1. You scoff at simple harmonies.

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2. And easy lyrics.

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3. The harder, the better. ART ISN'T EASY.

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4. You've listened to "Losing My Mind" on repeat after a breakup.

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5. But you knew it wasn't going to work, because you listened to "Could I Leave You?" before the breakup.

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6. You overidentify with Bobby from Company.

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7. I mean, is it any wonder you're a little terrified of commitment?

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8. Your knowledge of art history comes mostly from Sunday in the Park With George.

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9. You know more about former presidential assassins than former presidents.

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10. And you're weirdly sympathetic toward John Hinckley.

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11. The fairy tales you grew up with didn't always have happy endings.

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12. Also, the Witch was right.

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13. Speaking of, you're dreading the Into the Woods movie. But you also can't wait to see it.

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14. You've been burned in the past.

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15. You've always been a little distrustful of meat pies.

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16. You know "Sooner or Later" is a Sondheim song, not a Madonna song.

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17. You have accepted Bernadette Peters as your personal lord and savior.

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18. Unless you're a Patti. Which is valid.

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19. You're also an Elaine Stritch purist. Or you should be.

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20. Incidentally, nothing pisses you off more than when people only know Mandy Patinkin from Homeland.

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21. The hardest you've ever cried is at "Sunday" from the Sondheim birthday concert in 2010.

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22. And while you know Sondheim can't live forever — perish the thought — you also know he's not going anywhere.

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