The Six Worst Things About Weddings

Let's be honest: we all hate them.

Dressing up

Being confined to itchy suits and taffeta dresses is not fun.

The food

I am not impressed by bacon-wrapped scallops.

No open bar

It's enough that I even made it to the wedding, but to further punish me by not having an open bar? That's just cruel.

Your husband's ugly

Girl, you could do so much better.

Marriage inequality

You can tout that you have gay friends all you want, but it will never feel okay that you're legally allowed to bind yourself to someone you'll more than likely divorce in a few years.

The music

It really doesn't matter if you have a DJ or a band, they're both bound to play godawful music.