The 20 Most Annoying Things About Being A Park Slope Parent

    1% of Park Slope parents seem to have it all. The other 99% are seriously pondering a move to Kensington after another crappy co-op shift.

    Luisa Colón
    by Luisa Colón

    BuzzFeed Contributor

    1. Constantly Hearing About How Great PS 107 Is

    Class of 1984 / Guerilla High Productions

    2. Getting Rezoned Out Of PS 107

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    You spent an entire year searching for that elusive one-bedroom just so you could be in District 15, and now your kids will be attending PS 10.

    3. The "Un-schooling" Movement

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    We all know how those kids are going to turn out.

    4. Germs, Germs, Everywhere

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    When was the last time they washed those toys at the YMCA child-watch? And how many times can a child contract Coxsackie, anyway?

    5. The Lines at the Food Coop

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    Hopefully you'll get to bring those apples home by 2 A.M.

    6. Your Shift at the Food Coop

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    You wanted to do food processing, but you got childcare instead. At least you can hang out with your own little one while you work your shift!

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    Time elapsed: one month, and you are feverishly praying for a food processing shift down in the merciful quiet of the basement.

    7. Your Suspension From the Food Coop

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    Excuse you for going on vacation, having a baby, or getting divorced!

    8. The End of Grown-Up Things...Like Coffee

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    The whole "babyccino" thing has single-handedly ruined coffee.

    And Bars.

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    Nothing kills a good beer buzz like tripping over a Bugaboo on your way back from the restroom.

    9. The Sandbox At Harmony Playground

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    "We're not going to play in the sandbox today, honey" is code for "We're not going to play in the sandbox ever." Seriously, WTF is in there?

    10. Parents Who Sleep-Train

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    It's unnatural, it's cruel, it's damn near barbaric... the way they brag about how well their children sleep after they've been sleep-trained.

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    Meanwhile, your child still sleeps in your bed, seriously impeding your efforts to conceive child #2.

    11. The Cost of Those Must-Have Art and Music Classes

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    But Music Together is well worth it if you can get into a class with a hot teacher who seems to sing the "Hello" song directly into your eyes.

    12. Moms Who Say Their Kids Don't Watch TV

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    So they make dinner, straighten up, catch up on emails... all without Super Why? Uh-huh. Sure. Let's just say someone's got an iPad stashed somewhere.

    13. Moms Who Teach Their Baby To Sign

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    Do they really need their infant to sign when she's hungry?

    14. The PSP Yahoo! Groups

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    When you first joined, it was just a bunch of moms ratting on evil nannies or complaining about the service at Applewood.

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    Now there's a website, the Main List, a Classifieds group, a Career Networking group, it's "gently moderated"... And if one more of your posts gets rejected, you're going to bludgeon yourself to death with your (barely used) breast pump, $25 OBO, pickup North Slope.

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    And what are you supposed to do now when you see one of those nannies at the playground?

    15. "Natural Exploration Areas"

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    You don't care if the equipment is made out if the wood Jesus Christ was nailed to. It's still a playground.

    16. Other Park Slope Parents' Apartments

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    Why, oh why, do they feel compelled to apologize for how "messy" their place is whenever you go over for a playdate?

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    Meanwhile, Hoarders has reached out to you to see if you'd be interested in welcoming a camera crew to the next playdate at your place.

    17. Political Correctness on a Previously Unforeseen Level

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    Do you think this is a boys' hat? Are you sure? Why, because it's blue?

    It must be sad for you and your family, living a life based on labels and stereotypes.

    Park Slope scoffs at you.

    18. Pretentiousness On a Previously Unforeseen Level

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    Transitional object? It's a freakin' blankie for the love of all that is merciful and holy!

    19. A Tendency To Buzzkill Everything...Like Ice Cream.

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    Park Slope is anti-ice cream. Anti-ice cream. What's next, anti-sunshine? Anti-goodness?

    And superheroes.

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    Parents have been advised that superhero costumes are out; real heroes like firefighters are in. So the baby in the Spiderman costume? So not welcome at the Halloween Parade this year.

    20. Your Inability To Leave

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    Leafy green streets... other peoples' brownstones... those great schools... In spite of everything, this is your neighborhood, and you're staying! (Until you get priced out.)