1.
Realizing your kid is old enough for “the talk” and OMG YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THIS!
2.
Researching sex ed online and finding it’s a lot more complicated than you remember.
3.
Making the mistake of asking your parents for advice.
4.
Your spouse cornering you and saying, "So how's the preparation going?"
5.
Making a trip to the mall to pick up "the books."
6.
The expression of the clerk who rings you up.
7.
The time spent summoning the strength to go through with it.
8.
Trying to act casual as you enter your kid's room.
9.
Announcing that you want to have a talk and sounding way more official than you intended.
10.
Your kid saying, “You don’t have to talk to me about this. Tommy and I already looked at some pictures on the Internet."
11.
The seconds that tick by as you and your kid just stare at each other.
12.
Your kid’s expression when it becomes clear there'll be no stopping you.
13.
The awkwardness of saying the word "vagina."
14.
Not to mention the word "penis."
15.
Basically all the words. SO MANY WORDS.
16.
Reaching the topic of masturbation and hearing your kid ask, "Do you do it?"
17.
Plus all the other questions your kid asks.
19.
The "I'm glad we had this talk" wrap-up.
20.
Trying to act like everything is normal at breakfast the next day.
Yup. It's all pretty awkward...
But then you overhear your kid say, "Actually, Tommy, a girl can get pregnant the first time," and you're like:
Even if you do wish the whole experience could be wiped from your memory.
