HEAR YE, HEAR YE. An announcement must be made. Our prayers have been answered! We are finally worthy of quality entertainment. The "Work Bitch" video has been bestowed upon us, bitch!
Brace yourself. You are about to partake in an intense, highly Spearitual journey.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
As with most iconic figures, fog lifts and the iconic & talented, sexy + sweet, Britney Jean Spears appears. Introducing Poolney.
With a little mandatory promo (BUY FANTASY IT SMELLS GOOD ON YOU)...
... She truly arrives.
And you guys, WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?
HOLD ME I'M SCARED.
SHE AGES IN REVERSE.
She it literally giving us "I Love Rock n Roll" performance in a karaoke bar from 2002 cinematic classic Crossroads vibes.
Are you real right now? ARE YOU REALLY REAL?
Nope. GET TO WORK BITCH.
And here's the most insane thing. Like, really nuts.
*tears up*
THE DANCE PANTS ARE BACK.
DANCENY IS BACK.
SHE IS ACTUALLY USING HER WHOLE BODY. HER LEGS ARE MOVING. WE HAVE LEG MOVEMENT, PEOPLE.
*Is whipped back into shape. Stops crying. Must go on. Must work bitch*
Anyways, let's marvel at this flawless GIF...
...and be transported to a pool FULL OF FUCKING HAMMERHEAD SHARKS.
SHE LITERALLY EMPLOYS SHARKS.
And O.M.G. THE THROWBACK. IT'S THE SLAVE DANCE, PEOPLE. SHE IS BEING CIRCLED BY HAMMERHEAD SHARKS WHILST DOING THE SLAVE DANCE.
AND THE S&M SCENE. *Falls on the floor*
THIS. FACE.
OK, but really one of the secret best part is...
...WE HAVE AN ICONIC NEW DANCE MOVE.
THE WORK BITCH ARM RAISE.
CALL THE GUVUHNUH.
Master it. Learn it. Teach it.
THERE IS ALSO A SHOULDER DANCE.
Also can we just talk about how this is by far the best blatant Beats pillbox speaker thing promo you have ever seen. So original.
*Tears up again* She just looks... fucking flawless.
Like, she is channeling all energy into her iconic being. Such eternal beauty.
IT'S ALL TOO MUCH.
* Prematurely orgasms*
In conclusion,
Get out of the way...
... or risk a whipping.
*Gets five jobs*
*Lives fancy/parties in France*
*Makes mannequins explode*
*Makes Congress works again*
And you, yes you, finally wake up on time.
Thank you, Cheetos. You really work, bitch.
