Ask a Manager, a work advice blog, has featured some pretty wild questions over the years.
Well, today, we were treated to this instant AAM Hall of Fame workplace scenario. As the writer explains, he pulled a major ghosting on an ex-girlfriend a few years ago and claimed his ex became "obsessed" with him.
I have been an expat since graduating and have been moving a lot. More than a decade ago, when I was still young, I was in a relationship with a woman, Sylvia, in a country where we both lived. Sylvia wanted to settle down but I was not ready to commit so young. We clearly had different expectations from the relationship. I did not know what to do and, well, I ghosted her. Over the Christmas break, while she was visiting her family, I simply moved out and left the country. I took advantage of the fact that I accepted a job in other country and did not tell her about it. I simply wanted to avoid being untangled in a break-up drama. Sylvia was rather emotional and became obsessed with the relationship, tracking me down, even causing various scenes with my parents and friends.
So what does that have to do with his job? WELP, his ex is now his boss. WHOOPS.
Anyhow, fast forward to now. I now work as a math teacher in an international school. I have been in other relationships since, so Sylvia is a sort of forgotten history. Sadly, till now. This week, I learnt that our fantastic school director suddenly resigned due to a serious family situation and had to move back to her home country over the summer. The school had to replace her. We are getting a new director. I read the bio of the new boss and googled her and was shocked to discover it is Sylvia. We have not been in touch and do not have any mutual friends anymore. I am not a big fan of social media and had no idea what she had been up to since the unpleasant situation a long time ago.
He's wondering what to do because he doesn't want to quit his job, but he feels super awk.
I have no idea what to do and how to deal with this mess. It is clear this will be not only embarrassing but I will also be reporting to my ex. I am not in a position to find another job at present. There are no other international schools so finding another job in this country is not an option. Even finding a job elsewhere is not possible on such a short notice. These jobs usually open for school terms so I have to stay put for few months. But more importantly, I am happy and settled here so do not want to move. To make the situation worse, the expat community here is very small and tightly knit so teachers also socialize a lot.
Do you have any suggestions for me how to handle it and what should I do? I understand that this would not have happened if I did not ghost her back then, but I cannot do anything about it now. I gathered from the comments that readers usually have a go on people like me for “bad behavior” but I am really looking for constructive comments how to deal with the situation.
OK, so...pretty bad, right? BUT THEN, Alison wrote back to the letter writer before she answered the question and asked them how long they dated this person. And we're all thinking, like, oh, a month or two, right? WRONG.
We were together for three years and lived together for two of those years. I know that ghosting is not a way to end the relationship but I cannot do much about it now. I appreciate the trouble you are taking with getting back to me.
THREE YEARS???
I...
CANNOT...
EVEN...
HANDLE THIS SHIT RN!!!!!!
Like, yeah, it seems pretty reasonable for her to be "emotional" about the situation?????????
Also, you pulled this after THREE YEARS??? It's not called "GHOSTING" at that point, pal!!!!
Like much of the internet, I've pretty much been yelling, "Holy shit" and "What goes around comes around, asshole!!!" since I read this.
You can read AAM's (very good!) answer plus all of the (very good!) comments here.
PS: "SYLVIA," IF YOU ARE READING THIS, PLEASE GET IN TOUCH!!!