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No, A Woman Did Not Get Served Semen At McDonald's And Then Contract Herpes From Eating It

So. Many. Questions.

So here's a cool story that's slowly been making its way around the internet:

In the last week, this story has been reported by publications as far-reaching and varied as All Singapore Stuff, Free Patriot, Universal Free Press, All Hip Hop, Secrets of the Fed, and Lipstick Alley, just to name a few.

The gist of it is: 31-year-old Lisa McDowell found an abnormal clump of mayonnaise in the McChicken Sandwich served to her at her local McDonald's in Michigan.

And, from her own life experiences, she recognized the texture as being that of semen.

The story goes on to say that Lisa McDowell woke up with red rashes around her mouth in the following days, which were identified as being herpes.

Reports continue:

McDowell immediately called over the manager who denied the allegations, so she contacted the local health department.They sent the "mayo" remains off for testing and the results were positive for 2 different types of semen.

The manager confirmed that two employees were fired as a result of her allegations and the positive semen test results. The manager of the McDonald's also added, "We can't always keep an eye on our employee's conduct. We can only hope, during the interview process, that we are able to hire employees that meet our companies standards."

Sure, it sounds absurd but people totally believe it. When you search "McDonalds semen" on Twitter, the first thing you see is a Dominos ad...

But THEN you see a lottttttttt of very concerned citizens from around the world:

Health Department Confirmed Semen found on McDonald’s Mayonnaise WHAT IS HAPPENING TO THE WORLD

Seriously?? Semen in #McDonalds burger!!

that semen/mayo thing in McDonalds has scarred me for life

SEMEN FOUND ON MCDONALD'S MAYONNAISE!!!!!! Ewwww pls herpes.

solid debate happening at work over whether a woman ACTUALLY found semen in her McDonalds sandwich

We ourselves weren't so quick to buy the story, so we did some sophisticated investigative reporting:

A McDonald's spokesperson told BuzzFeed in an email: "We have no record of any such claim at McDonald’s."

What we found, however, is a wonderful trend in viral internet hoaxes: the "found semen in my food!" hoax. Or, as Snopes calls it:

The trend is older than a decade, and usually employs the exact same plot it did this time. It has targeted Olive Garden, McDonald's, and several other chains around the world.

Oh, well. Some people had the right idea all along:

CAN WE STOP IT WITH THE SEMEN SHIT IN MCDONALD'S? IT IS FAKE. SERIOUSLY. DO YOUR RESEARCH BEFORE SPREADING STUPID CRAP LIKE THAT. : |

And others wouldn't be fazed either way:

I'll still eat there “@arex_dugo31 So semen was found in McDonalds mayo. Disgusting fucking restaurant”