1.
Don't waste any time - the first encounter of the day is your first chance to land a blow.
2.
Or even when you've just met someone, for that matter.
3.
Make sure you know the exact meaning of your chosen insult.
4.
And always be prepared to pounce on any display of weakness.
5.
Particularly if it can lead to acute public embarrassment.
7.
If words fail you, facial expressions can be a handy alternative.
11.
There is no easier - or more effective - target than your victim's Mum.
12.
Can't stress this one enough.
13.
And if props can be incorporated, then all the better.
14.
Always shoot down any evidence of pomposity.
15.
And delusions of grandeur.
16.
And romantic fantasies.
17.
Basically: if your mate ever starts to feel good about himself, shut it down immediately.
18.
Sometimes, plain speaking is what's required to get your insult across.
19.
Although feel free to get creative - a made up insult is still an insult.
20.
The best insults ripen with age and find new supporters.
21.
But if all else fails, feel free to fall back on the simple, time-honoured classics.
22.
Last of all, feel free to totally disregard all of this and find your own approach.
