1. In your twenties, you'll accidentally hook up after a drunken kiss at a house party. You won't remember the sex.
In your thirties, you'll hook up deliberately after a wildly overpriced meal. You still won't remember the sex, though.
2. In your twenties, you'll get to know each other primarily through Facebook message.
In your thirties, you'll get to know each other primarily through work, mutual friends, or sustained eye contact during Pilates.
3. In your twenties, you won't really go on a "first date". You'll just stand near each other at a party.
You won't go on a "first date" in your thirties, either. You'll "do something fun together" instead, like a Groupon wine-tasting evening.
4. In your twenties, you'll know you're "in a relationship" when you ritually delete anyone you could drunk dial.
In your thirties, you'll know you're in a relationship when you ritually delete your online dating profile.
5. In your twenties, nights out involve getting too drunk at a friend's house party and crashing on their bathroom floor.
In your thirties, nights out involve 90 minutes in a pizzeria before rushing home to catch that nature documentary that starts at 9 p.m.
6. In your twenties, a hangover requires extreme levels of grease consumption followed by a conversation about doing it all again that evening.
A hangover in your thirties involves catching up with friends over eggs benedict and a latte at your local twee café.
Your hangover isn't that bad, anyway. You only had three white wine spritzers with dinner.