1. Knowing how to boil pasta to an edible texture.
2. Cooking rice without completely scorching the bottom of the pot.
3. Properly cooking meats so you don't give yourself salmonella.
4. Distinguishing the difference between basil, thyme, oregano, sage, marjoram—wait, what the hell is marjoram?
5. And knowing how much of each to put in.
6. Sprinkling an appropriate amount of salt so it doesn't ruin the entire meal.
7. Baking a batch of cookies without burning them to oblivion (even though you already cheated by using Break 'N Bake.)
8. Chopping vegetables so they're not in ginormously uncivilized proportions.
9. Making "sunny side up" as pretty as it sounds.
10. Finally rolling sushi the right way until you fuck it all up by trying to cut it.
11. Breaking eggs without the shells falling into your food.
12. Flipping pancakes without turning them into deformed monstrosities.
13. Estimating how much food your skillet can actually hold.
14. Adding garlic and onions at the right time so they don't turn black.
15. Making soup.
16. And finally...
17. NOT
18. BURNING
19. EVERYTHING
20. YOU
21. TOUCH.
(bye)
