just to let ya know..I have not got any plastic surgery..yes in the past i have had a nose job..and i am not (cont) tl.gd/gmeceo
— Deena Nicole Cortese (@DeenaNicoleMTV) March 28, 2012
I just had to yank a hair out of my dogs butt while she was mid-poop...with people walking by. So how's your Wednesday going?
— Danielle Fishel (@daniellefishel) March 28, 2012
And yes, the convict beard and hair are gone. Got to shave it off last night!
— Hugh Jackman (@RealHughJackman) March 28, 2012
When James Cameron was on the bottom of the ocean, did he discover a decent script for "Avatar?"
— Michael Ian Black (@michaelianblack) March 28, 2012
After a drone delivers my taco, any chance I could get a firefighting plane to drop 24,000 gallons of soda in my mouth?
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) March 28, 2012
Magic Johnson buys LA Dodgers! First move: add floor seats to Dodger Stadium.
— Garry Shandling (@GarryShandling) March 28, 2012
First game: "Magic, it's okay, the ball's supposed to go over the fence." I am now officially asleep.
— Garry Shandling (@GarryShandling) March 28, 2012
Pulled a price tag off a shirt I was wearing and punched myself in the neck so hard that I got a bruise. I am very graceful and patient.
— Carrie Brownstein (@Carrie_Rachel) March 28, 2012
Me,Maria, & Pier..Creative Directors for Valentino! #FunNight instagr.am/p/ItA53ZSHrz/
— Ciara(@ciara) March 28, 2012
Such a strange feeling when u get an itchy tongue : p
— Leona Lewis (@leonalewismusic) March 28, 2012
Be Original
— Big Boi of OUTKAST (@BigBoi) March 28, 2012
Did Lamar Odoms skills just diminish?? Them Kardashians get ya every time! Oh, Reggie Bush where Are u?!! Lmao!!
— BILL BELLAMY (@BILLBELLAMY) March 28, 2012
uhhhh @KimKardashian I'm sorry girl, I know what it's like to be lousy with yeast!
— Amy Schumer (@amyschumer) March 28, 2012
Incredibly lifelike sculpture of Nicki Minaj: yfrog.com/kfo5jilj
— Peter Serafinowicz (@serafinowicz) March 28, 2012
To some its Hump Day. To us, it's Wednesday's getting its ass kicked & Thursday just asked Friday to switch places. #TeamBringIt
— Dwayne Johnson (@TheRock) March 28, 2012
In my dream last night I was in roller skates in a Christmas Special with @marieosmond #somebodymakeithappen
— Andy Cohen (@BravoAndy) March 28, 2012
No matter how you do it, sitting with your legs crossed looks fucking weird. #threemanhattansdeep
— John Lutz (@ShutupLutz) March 28, 2012
Breaking news, @justinbieber goes too far with prank and now everyone's up in arms.This is Headline News? SMH
— David Otunga (@DavidOtunga) March 28, 2012
I always figured the whole Jon Benet thing would result in LESS scantily clad child pageants. Thats showbiz I guess!! #DanceMoms
— John Mulaney (@mulaney) March 28, 2012
Sometimes blocking someone on Twitter is a little too much of a Christian thing to do.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) March 28, 2012
another day at the office @mcguins twitter.com/davidarquette/…
— David Arquette (@davidarquette) March 28, 2012
Have I mentioned how much I love #thedeadliestcatch ?
— Evan Rachel Wood (@evanrachelwood) March 28, 2012
How do I get on the nerdist podcast? Chris? Nerds? NERDS!!!
— Jay Mohr (@jaymohr37) March 28, 2012
This 16 and pregnant premiere is crazy good!!! #bringsmeback #16andpregnant
— Tyler BaltierraMTV (@TylerBaltierra) March 28, 2012
Isn't it funny and tragic how we convince ourselves that SOME Cobras don't have venom ?? As you lay there dying.. remember... they do
— Kirstie Alley (@kirstiealley) March 28, 2012
Eggs & Bacon the perfect way to start the day !!!!!!!! yfrog.com/kfyx4efj
— Gordon Ramsay (@GordonRamsay01) March 28, 2012
Coffee shop lady's name tag says, "Aanal". Means center of spiritual energy. #MeanParents #BrownPeopleNames #HighSchoolMustHaveBeenAwful
— Kal Penn (@kalpenn) March 28, 2012
Christopher Nolan should really try and incorporate the Octomom into his next Batman flick.
— devon sawa (@DevonESawa) March 28, 2012
I don't know the origin of Chinese checkers but it just feels racist.
— Mike Birbiglia (@birbigs) March 28, 2012
Oh the stupefying willpower of the gas station bathroom toilet seat scratchitti artist...
— Garret Dillahunt (@GarretDillahunt) March 28, 2012
Fame doesn't change you....It just AMPLIFIES who you really are.
— ICE T (@FINALLEVEL) March 28, 2012
Got my eye on you....;-)! instagr.am/p/Iu0zLGQFnw/
— Alicia Keys (@aliciakeys) March 28, 2012
