1.
A man goes into a shop to return a pair of shoes, complaining that there's a lace missing...
2.
What did the Glaswegian pair of conjoined twins call their autobiography?
3.
A Glasgow woman goes to the dentist for a check up and he asks her to take a seat.
4.
If there are ten cows in a field, which one is closest to Saudi Arabia?
5.
A lassie phones her dad after a night in the pub and says: "Can you come and pick me up? I've missed the last bus and it's pouring with rain."
6.
After a couple announced their engagement, the groom-to-be tells his pal he will, obviously, be wearing a kilt to his wedding.
7.
How can you tell the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney?
8.
A short-sighted Scotsman goes into a bakery, points to the counter and asks, "Is that a doughnut, or a meringue?"
9.
Why did the chocolate bar melt?
10.
What's the first question at a ned quiz night?
11.
A Scotsman in London on business is having trouble phoning home from a telephone box.
12.
What's the name for a Scotsman with one foot inside his house and one foot outside?
13.
There are two cows in a field, but how do you tell which one is on holiday?
