Someone once said that swearing is the sure sign of a limited vocabulary.
That person was a dumb fucking shitpile.
Swearing isn't just useful, it's goddamn profound. If profanity isn't just as rich and varied a form of cultural expression as food or visual art, then surely it is just as clear a window onto the priorities, fears, and tastes of the people who produce and use it. To be sure, it can be offensive, hurtful, even dangerous. But it is also almost always pants-shittingly hysterical.
And you dumb asswipes don't know enough of it.
So in the interest of acknowledging this boundlessly creative, revealing, and disgusting human gift, I humbly present an abridged guide to the best swears in every language. A few notes before you dive in, although you'll probably ignore them, you douchebag.
• You won't find in here any epithets having to do with sexual orientation or ethnicity or misogyny. I intend this as a celebration of the depravity of human language, not its hatefulness.
• Where possible, I have included non-Latin scripts.
• This is obviously far, far, far from comprehensive. Please add your favorite swears below, and if they are in languages we don't have (or are more compellingly and colorfully depraved than our choices in languages we do have), we'll add them!
Enough silly bullshit. Enjoy, motherfuckers.
Afrikaans
Siug aan my aambeie en wag vir beter dae!: "Suck on my hemorrhoids and wait for better days!"
Amharic
Silbabot: Literally "You are the fatty layer on my warm milk", meaning "You are a nuisance."
Arabic
طيزك حمراء (Teezak hamra): Literally "Your butt is red!", meaning "you're a dumbass."
Bengali
Bulgarian
Кон да ти го натресе (Kon da ti go natrese): - "Get fucked by a horse!"
Cantonese
Croatian
Idi u pičku materinu!: "Go back inside your mother's pussy!"
Czech
"Vykuř mi": "Smoke my cock!"
English
American - Douchebag!
British - Bell-end!: "Glans!"
Farsi
French
TIE!!!
Fini à la pisse: "Finished with piss", meaning that a person was conceived by a mix of sperm and urine.
AND
Je te pisse à la raie!: "I piss on your butt crack!"
German
Du bist ein arschgeficktes suppenhuhn!: "You are a chicken that got fucked in the ass!"
Greek
Θα μου κλάσεις τα αρχίδια (Na mou klaseis ta'rxidia): Literally "Fart on my balls!", meaning, "You're powerless and ineffective."
Hebrew
שמתי על זה קצוץ! (Samti `al ze katzutz!): Literally "I put my circumcised one on it!", meaning "I don't give a fuck!"
Hindi/Urdu
Hungarian
Kutya faszát!: "Dog dick!"
Icelandic
Hoppaðu upp í rassgatið á þér: "Hop up your own ass!"
Irish
Go mbeire an diabhal thú: "May the devil choke you!"
Italian
Vaffanculo!: Literally "Go do an ass!", meaning, "Fuck you!"
Japanese
豆腐の角に頭をぶつけて死ね (Tofu no kado ni atama wo butsukete shine): "Hit your head on a corner of tofu and die!"
Korean
씨발놈 개쌔끼 (Shibbal-nom geseki): "Fuck you, you son of a bitch!"
Mandarin
肏你祖宗十八代 (Tsao Ni Zhu Zhong Shi Ba Dai): "Fuck all your family 18 generations past!"
Portuguese
Casa do caralho: "House of the dick!" Used to curse a specific place.
Romanian
Uscamias chilotii pe crucea matii!: "I would dry my dirty underwear on your mother's crucifix!"
Russian
пошел на хуй (Poshol na khui): "Go ride a dick!"
Shanghainese
死老太婆 (Sǐ lǎo tài pó): "Die old lady!"
Spanish
TIE!!!
La concha de la lora!: "The parrot's pussy!" Used as "fuck off".
And
Me cago en la leche!: "I shit in the milk!"
Swedish
Skitstövel!: "Shit-boot!", basically, "asshole!"
Polish
Spierdalaj!: "Get the fuck away!"
Tagalog
Mukha Kang Tae: "You look like a shit!"
Turkish
Ağzına sıçarım: "I'll shit in your mouth!"
Yiddish
Gay kocken offen yom!: "Go shit in the ocean!"