1. You naively assume that since Christmas is over, it's finally OK to go back to the mall.
2. When you arrive, there are inexplicably still thousands upon thousands of people there.
3. Because apparently everyone on Earth hated their Christmas presents, they have all decided to return them at the same time.
4. The Christmas decorations are still up, and it's so, so depressing.
5. Finding a parking space is still a nightmare, but the generosity of the Christmas spirit is long forgotten.
6. Parents are no longer Christmas shopping, which means that they're now free to bring all of their kids along with them.
7. And if people aren't returning something, then they're goddamned determined to find a NYE outfit that makes them feel flawless.
8. You're so desperate to find what you want that terrible clothing items start to look good.
9. Trendy stuff that makes no sense to you suddenly lands in your possession because it's 75% off.
10. Like Black Friday, it's not insane to see two people fight over the last one of something in their size.
11. When you get to the dressing room, you get a fun reminder of how much weight you have gained during the holidays.
12. Dressing room floors are full of clothes that people have rage quit in the middle of trying them on.
13. You may try to exchange a present that doesn't fit, only to find that they don't have it in your size.
14. Or you spend a billion years in line to return something at a department store only to be told that what you're returning was bought AT MARSHALLS.
15. Everyone is desperately searching Best Buy for games for their new game consoles.
16. You have to spend hours trying to figure out how to spend all the $5 gift cards you have from 8 different stores.
17. Because all the grandparents just got a billion new gadgets, the Genius Bar is now crowded with old people trying to figure out how to use them.
18. The clerks are so overwhelmed that there's a good chance you'll go home with something that still has the security tag on.
19. Chances are good that the snow you wanted for Christmas finally arrived, so good luck driving through it.
20. But nothing on earth feels as good as leaving the mall and knowing you don't have to come back.
