1.
Sorry I replied the very second you texted. I have no life and shame
2.
When you thought your nose was finally unblocking but it just switched nostrils
3.
My mom sent me these pics of the hat she made her dog and I’m cackling omg
4.
i left my airpod while getting sushi n the lady came back n gave it to me like this i’m screaming
5.
a girl from my due date group on fb is having a c-section on december 25th and wants to name her daughter “krissmiss dae”... she asked for opinions or other holiday name ideas and i suggested noelle or ivy... and she replied “eh idk those are kinda weird sounding” 😭😭😭
6.
when i bought my giant crystal ball the lady looked me in the eye and said "whatever you do, never EVER leave it uncovered when youre not home" and i said "oh wow because of spirits?" and she said "what? no bc if the sun hits it weird it'll burn down your house" important lesson
7.
since hair can’t be preserved in fossils we can’t rule out the possibility that dinosaurs looked like this
8.
This didn’t go viral on tik tok like I expected it to so I’m giving twitter a try
9.
germs when you drop your food 🤣
10.
You really think i care? lmaooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooiactuallydoandyoujusthurtmyfeelings
11.
My favorite line when I’m drunk is “I’m not even that drunk” whole time I can’t even see
12.
funny how shakespeare been real quiet ever since this video dropped
13.
My crush and I have this hilarious inside joke where I text him and he doesn’t respond lmao I just texted once more, and AGAIN...nothing from him! 😂😂😂 We’re hilarious, I can’t wait for us to get a dog (or just a drink or coffee, even)
14.
*school starts 8:00* me at 8:26:
15.
16.
I was 8 singing this like a 37 year old woman going through a divorice. https://t.co/orXHKWZ2NG
17.
caffeine doesn’t do it anymore i need someone to text me “we need to talk”