Updated on Apr 4, 2023

The 50 Greatest Quotes From The Office, In Order

That's what ~they~ said.

by Samantha Jacobson

BuzzFeed Contributor

NBC / Via PeacockTV

Season 1, Episode 1: "Pilot" (2:40)

The first three scenes set up the rest of the series so beautifully and the mug is such a great metaphor for Michael himself. As to whether he's a master manipulator or lives just lives in a fantasy world...that's up to you.

I know this doesn't have to do with the quote, but Steve Carrell's acting in this scene is *amazing*. I love when he makes eye contact with the camera and almost breaks at the end.

NBC / Via PeacockTV

Season 1, Episode 3: "Health Care" (17:32)

The first season gets pretty raw sometimes.

I had this conversation in real life and it was...cringey, to say the least. Anyone who really depends on their health insurance knows how frustrating it is to deal with the people who are actually in charge of it, and how little they seem to know (or care) about what you actually need.

Also, Kate Flannery's straight-faced delivery here is flawless.

NBC / Via PeacockTV

Season 2, Episode 1: "The Dundies" (13:41)

Pam and Jim are so in love here. I've always imagined Pam drinks so much because she knows she wants to be with Jim and wants an excuse to finally indulge her real feelings; I'd imagine she's also really anxious after standing up to Roy (I would be!).

"Second drink" could mean so many things. Is it a metaphor for how Pam is acting, after Roy's departure (and maybe the alcohol) thawed her usual caution? Is Jim the "second drink" in her love life, only there once her attachment to Roy melts away? Maybe. It's also just a really great line.

Fun fact: this episode was filmed on location at a Black Angus Steakhouse, near the Panorama City Mall in LA. It closed right before filming, so they could decorate it however they wanted; it was torn down shortly after. The site sat vacant for over a decade and now has an Aldi supermarket on it. My dad shops there.

NBC / Via PeacockTV

Season 3, Episode 22: "Women's Appreciation" (17:04)

Probably Angela's best one-liner in the whole series.

The set-up is also priceless, when she leaves the table in a huff, disgusted by hearing about Michael's sex life...like she's can't stand the thought of someone having sex, despite the fact that she does it with Dwight all the time (often *in* the office!). The fact she's having a trans panic about Michael cross-dressing is also really ironic, since Michael is something of a transphobe. I imagine the documentary crew asked her why she needed to "go to the doll store" — calling her out on her hypocrisy — and this is her deflection.

This is from such a great scene, in general. The line comes just after Michael and the women of the office start discussing Michael's sex life with Jan...and I could totally see her emasculating him as part of some kind of sadistic power game, up there with her recording them doing it to critique Michael's form, and making Michael sleep on a bench at the foot of their bed (as revealed in season 4, episode 12: "Dinner Party"). Also Karen's comment about schoolgirl fantasies — "Oh, that's a pretty common one." — has always made me wonder...why did she say that?

NBC / Via PeacockTV

Season 4, Episode 5: "Local Ad" (13:43)

Michael often lets his racism and sexism slip out through insipid dog-whistle comments like "this is not my music." This is Michael at his most Karen...not, like, Rashida Jones's Karen, but the "I want to speak to the manager" / "Help, bird-watcher!" kind. He can't stand the idea of the branch being represented in any voice aside from one that reflects his own sensibilities, especially not by Darryl, and lashes out.

I love how Darryl just belittles Michael back, leaving him to his own devices.

The final version of Michael's commercial uses "Chariots of Fire," reminiscient like Donald Trump's bonkers intro at the 2016 Republican National Convention.

BJ Novak wrote this episode, BTW, and I think it's the best one of all of the ones he wrote, which is really saying something because his credits also include the following classics: "Diversity Day", "Sexual Harassment", "The Fire", "Boys and Girls", "Initiation", "Safety Training", "Chair Model", "Prince Family Paper", "Dream Team", "Happy Hour", "Counseling", "Threat Level Midnight", "The List", and "Free Family Portrait Studio".

NBC / Via PeacockTV

Season 4, Episode 8: “Money, Part 2” (11:37)

"Shot through the heart, and you're to blame / You give love a bad name (bad name) / An angel's smile is what you sell / You promise me Heaven, then put me through hell / Chains of love got a hold on me / When passion's a prison, you can't break free." — Bon Jovi

They make fun of Pam for being cliché a lot in the first few seasons, and here she's quoting the song Dwight is playing verbatim...and almost in time with the music....as a sincere observation. Then again, Dwight is being entirely sincere by playing the song, so it's also kind of touching. They have some kind of deep connection that, frankly, eludes explanation.

Also, fun fact: the cat Andy gives Angela to win her affection in this episode is ~the same one~ Dwight tried to give her in a previous episode, then released into the Vance Refrigeration office. He'd named the cat Garbage. That's why he's sitting next to the dumpster.

NBC / Via PeacockTV

Season 4, Episode 8: “Money, Part 2” (14:39)

Classic Michael, and probably Steve Carrell's cleverest one-liner ever.

There really are trains running near The Office set, which was in an actual office building in the San Fernando Valley, on a cul-du-sac that runs along railroad tracks. (If you look at the 2011 Google street view, you can see them getting ready to film; move the camera a little and you can see Dwight's Trans-Am!). But I'm pretty sure this scene was taped in LA's Griffith Park, where there's a train park for kids. Fitting. (Also, weird flex, but I'm 90% sure I saw them filming this scene while commuting to work in 2007).

NBC / Via PeacockTV

Season 9, Episode 26: "Finale" (15:47)

Bone marrow was really having a moment when this episode came out. Ten years later, I quote this every time I get bone marrow with my pho. Everyone always laughs, but someday I'll meet someone who gets the reference.

When they point it out, I'll pretend to lose my spoon and we'll both reach for another one at the same time. Our hands will touch, and we'll look into each other's eyes, and they'll say, "Pass me curvy metal piece, you will." And that will be that.

The 50 Greatest Quotes From The Office, In Order

Hi! My name is Samantha and I'm a superfan of The Office. I've watched the complete series 16 times.

The simplest answer as to why I keep doing this is that I love television, and The Office is a well-written, well-acted show so chock-full of meticulously crafted detail you could probably keep watching it forever and still keep noticing new things.

I just watched the series all the way through again, solely so I could gather the 50 all-time-greatest quotes from The Office — just for you!

So strap on your hydration backpack and do one stunning, gorgeous cartwheel, because here's all the great quotes — in chronological order!

1. "I think that pretty much sums it up...I found it at Spencer Gifts." — Michael Scott (holding a mug reading "World's Best Boss")

2. "Uh...nope. Nope. This isn't the surprise. It's surprising because you didn't expect it, but you will...you'll know it when you see it." — Michael Scott

3. "Could you mean a vagina? Because if you do, I want that covered." — Meredith Palmer

4. "No, no... 'cause then the ice melts and it's, like, ~second drink~." — Pam Beesly

5. “Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.” – Michael Scott

6. “If I had to, I could clean out my desk in five seconds, and nobody would ever know that I’d ever been here. And I’d forget, too.” — Ryan Howard

7. "Boy have you done lost your mind, 'cause I'll help you find it!" — Stanley Hudson

8. “I want you to rub butter on my foot… Pam, please? I have Country Crock.” — Michael Scott

9. “I love inside jokes. I’d love to be a part of one someday.” — Michael Scott

10. "Pam and I would sometimes hum the same high-pitched note and try to get Dwight to make an appointment with an ear doctor. And, uh, Pam called it… pretendinitis.” — Jim Halpert

11. “I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on pretzel day? Well, I like pretzel day.” — Stanley Hudson

12. "Dwight, you ignorant slut!" — Michael Scott

13. "Bears. Beets. Battlestar Gallactica." — Jim Halpert

14. “Sometimes the clothes at Gap Kids are too flashy, so I’m forced to go to the American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.” — Angela Martin

15. “I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” – Kevin Malone

16. “Guess what, I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don’t know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally I’ll hit somebody with my car. So sue me.” — Michael Scott

17. “Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked, but it’s not like this compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.” —Michael Scott

18. “I don’t hate it. I just don’t like it at all and it’s terrible.” —Michael Scott

19. Michael Scott: “I think you’re over-thinking it.” Jim Halpert: “I think you’re under-thinking it."

20. “Darrell Philbin is the most complicated man I've ever met. I mean...who says exactly what they’re thinking? What kind of a game is that?” — Kelly Kapoor

21. (Dwight plays Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name" on the recorder) "Man, Angela really had a hold on him." — Pam Beesly

22. “I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels good.” — Michael Scott

24. "I finally broke down and bought myself a plasma TV. Check it out. I actually hung this on the wall myself. I want to show you something: a lot of people in the room, you need more space, viola, right into the wall." — Michael Scott

25. “It’s like I used to tell my wife. I do not apologize unless I think I’m wrong, and if you don’t like it, you can leave. And I say the same thing to my current wife, and I’ll say it to my next one, too.” — Stanley Hudson

26. "The real crime, I think, was the beard.” —Oscar Martinez

27. "I have a warm blanket and several cozy pillows. I read a chapter of a book and then it's lights out by 8:30.That's how I sleep at night." — Angela Martin

28. "I wonder what people like about me. Probably my jugs." —Phyllis Vance

29. "Andy Bernard does not lose contests. He wins them...or he quits because they are unfair." — Andy Bernard

30. “Oh, I don’t think it’s blackmail. Angela just does what I ask her to do, so I won’t tell everyone that she’s cheating on Andy with Dwight. I think for it to be blackmail, it would have to be a formal letter.” — Phyllis Vance

32. “Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way, like an improv conversation....an improversation.” – Michael Scott

33. “It’s true. Around this office, in the past, I have been a little abrupt with people. But the doctor said, if I can’t find a new way to relate more positively to my surroundings, I’m going to die.” — Stanley Hudson

34. “And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.” — Michael Scott

35. “Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout.” — Phyllis Vance

36. “I got six numbers. One more and it would have been a complete phone number.” — Kevin Malone

37. “I am Beyoncé, always.” — Michael Scott

38. “You guys I’m, like, really smart now. You don’t even know. You could ask me, ‘Kelly, what’s the biggest company in the world?’ And I’d be like, ‘blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah blah.’ Giving you the exact right answer.” — Kelly Kapoor,

39. “I talk a lot, so I’ve learned to tune myself out.” – Kelly Kapoor

40. “I wanted to eat a pig in a blanket, in a blanket.” — Kevin Malone

41. "I have a dream, and it's not some MLK dream of equality. I want to own a decommissioned lighthouse. And I want to live at the top. And nobody knows I live there. And there’s a button that I can press and launch that lighthouse into space.” — Stanley Hudson

42. “I wanna do a cartwheel. But real casual-like. Not enough to make a big deal out of it, but I know everyone saw it. One stunning, gorgeous cartwheel.” — Creed Bratton

43. “I guess I’ve been working so hard, I forgot what it’s like to be hardly working.” — Michael Scott

44. “As a person who buys a lot of erotic cakes, it just feels good to be represented on one.” — Phyllis Vance

45. "Why waste time use lot word when few word do trick?" —Kevin Malone

46. “We have a gym at home. It’s called the bedroom.” — Phyllis Vance

47. “Life is short. Drive fast and leave a sexy corpse. That’s one of my mottos.” — Stanley Hudson

48. “Sometimes I get so bored I just want to scream, and then sometimes I actually do scream. I just sort of feel out what the situation calls for.” — Kelly Kapoor

49. “I never thought I’d say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.” —Dwight Schrute

50. "That's what she said!" — Michael Scott

There you have it, the 50 best quotes from The Office, in order! Now you know exactly when all those lines were said, which feels....

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